title: Lost It's been almost 8 months I haven't blogged here.
So nostalgic just coming back to this blog, reading all the old post. And suddenly I feel alive once again, alive in my old self. I can't even remembered when was the last time I truly had a c0nvo with any person who used to appear on my blog often. What happened? It just happens.Too fast you'll never realised how you lost those friends while you're too busy chasing after things you thought were important. What would you do if you spent countless nights crying your heart out hoping one day, someone would actually realised how torn apart you became, and start saving you? Then again, The chances are too small. For no one will ever thought of it. And I'll stand here praying, someone found my soul. Don't give up on me. |
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title: Dead-end Been on a non-blogging mood lately, not that I don't have the time to blog but I'm just too lazy.
Scrap the "don't have time to blog"..I was just busier with studies, magnum etc etc to blog more often especially the fact that I'm actually being quite chiong in my studies this semester. Surprising I actually doing all my tutorials plus revision beforehand...and NOT LAST MINUTE!!! Feel so darn great that I didn't need to stay up late at night to mug for my papers :) Let's just pray I did well for this test. But hey, 6 months internship is a good motivation for me to get good results, especially in cost accounting where my teacher is so sarcastic.God bless me man! My December term break is finally here. AND DAMN, I'm not even glad about it. 2 projects due on 3rd Jan - 20% and 10% respectively. And the funny part, I can't seem to find time to fit my project group meeting into any days since I'm busy most of the days except weekends. Great, means I would most probably be skipping some time during training camp to rush out the projects. Super hate it when I'm given a project like right before the term break and I'm supposed to hand it up on the first day I resume school. HELLO...do I look like I have nothing better to do at home but sleep??!!!What's the point ranting... I still have to get it done by hook or crook cause my grades depends on it. Feeling very off colour recently I don't know what has gotten into me lately. I don't even know what went wrong or where to start. Everything seems alright at the surface. It always does,doesn't it? And it's always the same old things that chokes me up,again and again. Been spilling too much tears on stuffs I didn't knew I would.Was I expecting too much?I guess it wasn't easy living up to my own expectations and I expect others to do the same. Staying up at night questioning my decisions doesn't seem to be of much help lately. It always leads me back to the same question, will it be worth it? I would say YES last time. Why wouldn't I? After all, I worked hard for it. I liked it. Was I too selfish, to only cared about what I wanted? Maybe. It will all come back to haunt you one day. And this friend of mine told me "sometimes, giving up something that holds you back or doesn't let you advance forward is a good thing". Easier said than done. I know there are things that are holding me back, but I just refused to let it go. I guess I only have myself to blame if I chose to live my life the stressful way. Now, as confused as ever, I don't know what I'm living or dying for. So much for growing up or is it just me thinking too much about the future? I guess I'm just too stupid to let myself go down that one way road, and worst of all, I already know it's a dead end. I'm just trying my luck to find an alternate route available for me at the end of this dead road for me to continue walking. But as of now, I'm stupid enough to even attempt this route. I think everyone has a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could freeze tim. Whether it was three years ago, today or still to come, whether it was just a moment, a whole day or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life where they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning and people would stop changing because to them, at that time, everything was perfect. I wish I can spend time with you, just chatting our lives away. That's all I need, at least for me to feel sane now. ♥Si Wei |
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title: courage Courage - the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery
Tonight, I wish I was more courageous. I wish I wasn't afraid. Afraid that everything might not work out. Too afraid to admit those feelings I have, for it might ruin everything we've built. And I know I don't have anyone but myself to blame for. I would just say life is full of too much unexpected events, that sometimes you can't keep up with it. For once, I feel terrible, for myself. I'm sorry heart. Forgive me for being selfish. |
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title: Fatigue  EXCO 10/11 & Coaches Been super tired the whole week I feel weak. Haven't actually been feeling like that since ages, especially when it got worst that I had to took 4-6 panadols and yet no effect at all. Yea and if you see a girl limping to lectures and classes, it's most probably me! I practically slept my whole weekend away. I bet I was barely awake for 12 hours during the weekends. Wonderful...but hey at least I did some of my homework, can't afford to screw up my studies anymore. Next week is gonna be another hectic week with performance trainings for red camp literally everyday, more projects and assignments...AND THERE'S NO MORE 15 MINS GRACE PERIOD! SHIT!  Have you ever wondered where you would be if you haven't chose this road? Would you go back and take a different route? Would life been better? Maybe people would stop expecting too much from me. Let's face it, I'm not smart,pretty or popular. I'm just an ordinary girl, stop putting high hopes on me. It's so hard when you know how to fix other people lives but not your own. Infact, I don't even know what has to be fixed because life has been kinda good to me. People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. ♥Si Wei |
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title: New semester. I think this blog is pretty much dead.
No one's gonna come here anymore. Ah well, even better for me to rant my feelings :) Another new sememster started, New friend, New tutors... New modules and also New responsibilities. I pondered a lot at night thinking whether I made the right choices. Have you ever felt like you want something so badly yet you're afraid to receive it? For it might change your life completely. I want to stay the same. A simple wish yet so hard to achieve. Someone told me " the only thing that's constant is changes" ...very true to the extend it scares what would become of me in the future. Because changing can means you're changing for the better or for the worst, yet it's unavoidable. And sometimes I think we just need to know how to deal with our disappointments. I'm tired. Mentally & physically. If you're not gonna help, please don't add to my workload. ♥Si Wei |
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title: Don't Want An Ending Somehow, I've been thinking alot lately and I've realised... Things change, people change and feelings change. Nothing will ever remain the same forever. Makes me wish that we could all go back to the past, where things were less complicated then. Sometimes, it is not only the bad memories that makes you sad but also the best ones which you know will not happen for the second time. ♥Si Wei |
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title: Training camp + YUM! OK I'm back!
Finally back from training camp! Had my share of fun at training camp even though I was still sick that time :D Jeremy popped in to see us during our training camp. Omg i miss this guy man!!!   Exchange programme with Wildcards!   Magnum Juniors performed for Yum Carnival. I'm super proud of them :) Had tons of fun!  typical life of a cheerleader :D     Si Wei |
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title: September Updates I realised I haven't blogged for almost a month. And the most important part was : I'M ON HOLIDAYS NOW!
This just further proves how lazy I am. Or I'm just too tired to blog. September has been awesome and hopefully it stays this way till October though there were so ups and downs along the way. Finally finished with my yr2 sem1 finals on 9th September. Went on a crazy trip up to KL and Genting with some awesome peeps having the best time of my life playing monopoly deal, eating, sleeping, disturbing each other and watching the sunrise at Genting.    The awesome sunrise at genting :D  ♥Some of the people who had gone through alot with me. Honestly I don't mind staying like that forever. Screw all the dreams and passions. You only live your life once, and sometimes once is more than enough. Ultimate shag just going for a super random 3 days 2 nights trip up. Spent the entire last week training for F1 performance @ Ngee Ann which to me kinda sucked.Worst of all I spent almost the whole week training + fell twice from a pyramid and on mc for 1 week. How wonderful, note that I've been slacking at home the whole week due to my back pain which suck balls! (Unless you count suprising Hui Yin for her 19th birthday)  6 years old girl inside a 19 year old girl body!  Look how hard she's praying she can go for Super Junior show! LMAO!! Meet Calista for a short dinner before heading back home.   And God decided to just play a prank on me and gave me a terrible flu + fever now (to the extend that I can't even breathe)! 1 day before my training camp starts. God bless me. But well, at least there My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho now! Omg seriously I might actually turn lesbian for Shin Min Ah. How adorable can she get. At the rate this drama is going, it's probably gonna be my favourite drama after Goong.  Gah waiting for the subs to be out can be so painful. :( I seriously recommend this drama for everyone. How can a drama be so wonderfully written with such amazing cast?! “When you reach life’s crossroads, tough decisions must be made, decisions that might hurt people who love you, and people you love. But still it must be decided. For now, I do not want to make any.” Please don't mess with me. I have my limits too. Shall try and blog more after my training camp. ♥Si Wei |
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